Ninjas Are Real!

From time to time I read or hear something that just makes me crazy. It makes me want to foam at the mouth, chew the carpet, spit fireballs, and do a Wile E. Coyote right off the cliff. But most of these troubling items are political or religious in nature, and definitely not fodder for this venue – especially since this is supposed to be a paranormal blog.

However, my sensibilities were irreparably harassed while reading some comments about food stamps on that bastion of credible reasonability we affectionately refer to as Facebook. I knew that reading the comment was not wise, but I like the young lady in question, and before I knew it, I was engaged. Even being totally aware that the average “Facebook political pundit” is less informed than my dog Oliver, I indeed took the bait further to hazard a comment. I thought I could state a fact – not an opinion; a fact, and that others might reconsider their extreme point of view. I sorta knew what would really happen. I promised myself not to follow up and to allow the jackals to tear at my silent carcass with as much vim and vigor as their semi-sentient minds could muster. They went for the throat first.

Sometimes, presenting something factual is tantamount to strapping raw meat on your body at a lion convention. It was brutal. Acceptable facts are in high demand these days because so many of us refuse to believe them. People believe whatever propaganda matches their level of anger – regardless of accuracy or common sense. (There’s actually a name for this condition, but I can’t for the life of me remember what it is.) Anyway, without wasting any more time, here is a list of ten things I wish were true, but alas, are not. And please feel free to let me know which ones you’re going to accept regardless. Why not join the club, right? I mean… Everybody’s doing it!

1. Food stamps are no longer necessary. Everyone has a good-paying job, all the starving children are well-fed, and God himself is now in charge.
2. Cancer is cured by eating free vanilla bean cheesecake. Add any fruit topping to prevent Shingles.
3. Ninjas are real. Swear to God!
4. Fox News and Wikipedia have formed a new network called WikiFox promising to take accuracy and credibility to a new level.
5. Homophobic thugs and bullies across America were only kidding. Oh, you guys!
6. Health insurance has been replaced with unlimited free money for life.
7. There’s no such place as Bengazi, so we can all relax now.
8. All free-floating phantasms have been given amnesty, upgraded to ghost status and given green cards. (See, this really is a paranormal blog.)
9. Enemies of the State are not right-wing extremists, but a metal thrash band from the Jersey Shore.
10. Obesity has been replaced as the national pastime by the milk of human kindness, and an unquenchable hunger to love thy neighbor.

I know. Lame, right? But I think my facts make about as much sense as anybody else’s. If I had known it was okay to make stuff up all these years, I wouldn’t have spent so much time looking for the truth! Think of all the tests I’d have aced; all the Little League games I’d have won; all the sorrow I could have avoided. What good is the truth if all it’s gonna do is prove you wrong, right?
Also visit Voices Unplugged at
Voices From Forever by Randall Keller Available on Amazon
There Is No Silence by Randall Keller Available on Amazon.

“Ah, science…”

“Ah, science…” And I say that with veneration and respect. You may not believe that because I’ve been a little rough on scientists in the past, but as the saying goes, “you always hurt the one you love.” And I love scientists! How could I not. Look at everything they’ve given us – the list is daunting, and we’ve benefitted monumentally and immeasurably. So, I really do think of them fondly; almost reverently – they’re a kind of priesthood, in my opinion, in the church of life.

But what times we live in. Reminds me of the times Galileo must have endured; or Capernicus; or Newton, who was forced to hide most of his thoughts. And poor Charles Darwin – we’re still trashing his contributions. Historically, society has sporadically whipped itself into a religious fervor and attempted to discredit and silence the absolute truths of science. Our current religious intensity is in denial of climate change, evolution, the Big Bang, and who knows what other incredibly obvious truths, but scientists push on in spite of us. Thank God. Arguably, the scientific community has done more for the preservation and continuance of the human race than any religious movement ever could.

I recently saw one of these guys on television discussing his latest theory surrounding alternate universes. He was spell-binding, and it all made so much sense, but he is just one of half-a-dozen others researching the subject – each with their own exciting ideas. The consensus suggests that the problem will be solved by the year 2025 or sooner. Imagine that! In most of our lifetimes, the science fiction of an infinite number of alternate universes (and alternate realities) will become a fact. That will open and expand the paranormal field as well, and there doesn’t seem to be any credible doubt within the scientific community that the day will come.

Maybe it shouldn’t. Won’t there be mass hysteria? Won’t heads explode? Just imagine the propaganda that will be leveled against these discoveries and maybe even against the scientists responsible. Maybe our current religious insanity will find a way to imprison them for blasphemy, as with Galileo. Or legislatively crucify them as with Darwin. Look at the accusations heaped upon climate scientists today. My God, what will they do when alternate realities are proven to be… well, reality? It will be no holds barred, I fear. Not only will heads roll figuratively, they may roll literally. I think we all know what these people are capable of – we’ve seen them before, and frankly, scientists are too important for this nonsense.

I myself, am unapologetically very religious. My faith is hopefully unwavering, and I plan on dying a believer, but then, my faith doesn’t ask me to ignore reality and verity. These scientists won’t be throwing my faith under the cosmic bus, they’ll be helping me to define it more clearly and increasing its significance through knowledge. That’s a great service, I think.

But I do fear for them. I fear that those knuckle-dragging, intellectually slack jawed, fear mongering disbelievers of fact will continue to increase in number and influence. I fear for scientists, but I bet that won’t stop them. Such courage and divine inspiration always rises to the top. “Ah, science.” Where would we be without it? In caves, I suspect – cold, very very hungry, and infinitely ignorant.
Also visit Voices Unplugged at
Voices From Forever by Randall Keller Available on Amazon
There Is No Silence by Randall Keller Available on Amazon.

It Just Happened

Religion – one of those taboo subjects. Don’t bring it up, whatever you do – religion divides us faster than any other topic of conversation. That’s a shame, because it can make for some fascinating discussions! But in the final analysis, we can’t help what we believe, and I believe in God. Sorry, but I’m no more ashamed of that than I am of my belief in ghosts or UFOs and God knows what else.

I’m a Christian. “Oh no! Not one of those!” Well, no – I’m not one of those, if by “one of those” you are referring to the standard-issue Christian. I could care less what you believe in. No offense meant by that, but it just doesn’t matter to me. I embrace all people because I was raised believing that was my Christian duty. Muslims, Budhists, Catholics – even Atheists – it’s all good with me. I just don’t see my personal views as important beyond my self. I don’t feel the urge to judge people, or pre-stamp their thickets “heaven” or “hell.” I don’t define sin for the world, I hope everyone has a fantastic sex life, I’m against capital punishment, war, letting the poor starve, withholding health care from sick people, and I frankly don’t understand all this pro-life stuff. Just being honest! I don’t mean to offend anyone, but I’ve never seen it as my duty to convert the masses, and I would hope you would return the favor.

But I keep hearing from paranormal enthusiasts that all the latest science is proving religion to be dead, and that mystifies me. They tell me that the idea of alternative universes, dark matter theories, evolution in general, brain research, sub-atomic dimensions, and the extreme vastness of the universe have all made the idea of God quite obsolete. They tell me the very concept of a God is too small to encompass all of this; that if I accept the truth of science, and all its ramifications, then I can’t possibly believe in any God.

Well, of course, I accept science! But to me, God is science, pure and simple. He is the inclusion and embodiment of such a deeply creative genius that you’d have to call it Holy. The scripture of every major religion on earth suggests that God is everything – all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-wise. What does it matter that the scriptures have been edited and rearranged, or that people misinterpret the passages. The truth of this universe is God’s truth to me, and I just don’t understand why we have so much trouble accepting the possibility that a creator by any name would have no difficulty accomplishing the creation.

“Yes, but there’s no proof.” That’s true. There is no proof, so I’ll just believe – that works. I am reminded of a story I once heard about Benjamin Franklin, who was not known to be especially religious. In fact, by today’s standards, he might have earned the titles of heathen, hedonist, and Agnostic. And while Franklin was ambassador to France, he found himself in a discussion of the solar system with a young aristocrat of the opinion that the latest discoveries regarding space had ruled out the existence of God. Franklin was amazed, and he wondered how the young man could explain the solar system’s origin, and what we refer to today as the singularity – the beginning of everything?

“Who knows of such things. It just happened,” the young man proclaimed. Franklin quizzed him further, but ended the evening by inviting the young man to his apartment the next night for dinner.

Late into the night and most of the next day, Franklin proceeded to create an incredibly elaborate replica of the known solar system. Being a rather inventive individual, it didn’t take him long to fashion planets that would rotate, as they revolved around the sun. He was even able to include the known moons of the day, and applied the appropriate coloring. It was a marvelous achievement and the model was reportedly displayed for a time in the Louvre. Apparently, Franklin’s reputation for excellence and attention to detail was well founded.

That evening, the young Parisian arrived on time for what he was certain would be an elegant dinner with stimulating conversation. As he entered the apartment, he could not help but notice the elaborate solar system in all its glory and he began to make over it. Franklin seemingly ignored the comments and busied himself with the chores of dinner until finally, the young man cornered him. “Pray tell, sir. This is stunning,” he is reported to have said.

“You are referring to our solar system?” Franklin asked, feigning much interest in the topic.

“Why yes!” And assuming the workmanship was too involved for a man of Franklin’s age, he asked, “Where did it come from, sir?”

Franklin replied, “Who knows of such things. It just happened.” Well, the young man was well educated and reportedly went on to become Prime Minister or something. But it is reported that he learned the intended lesson that night and was never again heard to disparage God or His abilities.

I suppose that argument wouldn’t work in the science rich atmosphere of the 21st century, but I think the core premise of religion is exposed nonetheless. The heart of all religion is that nothing just happens, I think. There is intent behind the muse, and perhaps the singularity has a name. And that makes a whole lot more sense than hellfire and damnation any day of the week.