That Just Stinks

I need a break – from life in general, actually. It’s getting tough out there! You know what I mean, and I bet I’m not the only one who feels this way from time to time. “But a break from life? Isn’t that a little overly dramatic?” Well yes, but occasionally it feels as if something better change soon or I’ll awaken one day buried up to my receding hairline in the psychic debris modern existence keeps creating.

Of course, I’ll get through it. Like almost everyone else, I’ll pull my beleaguered brain out of the permafrost of life and back to normalcy before I become just another senseless victim. (Yes, the drama continues.) But I ask you, haven’t we all been here at least once? For instance, there’s never enough money and always too many expenses. Sound familiar? The cost of bare essentials rises faster than the Atlantic Ocean on a global warming binge. I used to think I was one of “the smart ones,” believe it or not – that just maybe I could rely on intelligence and accumulated knowledge to get me through this slag heap of a life I’m mired in. Okay, I’m exaggerating as well as over-dramatizing, but that’s how it feels sometimes, right? You’ve been there, so don’t even try to deny it.

Do you smell a list coming? I haven’t done one in awhile, but this one contains no complaints about the blight of existence; no cutesy attempts at humor. This is just a list of random “stuff” I learned this week – diversions from reality; things that don’t do anyone any good, have no real value, and make no promises to alter existence one iota. I mean, who doesn’t want to know that there are more dogs in Paris than people? Or that the average elephant weighs less than the tongue of a blue whale? 

This may not be important stuff, but it’s still cool. This list of useless facts is a guaranteed diversion from the quagmire you’ve created for yourself as well as the long-suffering folks who love you. It’s a public service! Oh who am I kidding? I found this stuff in a book and it made me smile for a few lousy minutes, so here are ten things you never thought about before (for obvious reasons) and will probably want to share with others. Did you know that…

1. Like plants, children grow faster during spring than any other season.

2. A typical toilet flushes in the key of E flat.

3. The square most commonly landed on in the game of Monopoly is Illinois Avenue. (“Go” ranks second.)

4. The first stolen car was reported in St. Louis, Missouri, in 1905.

5. The king of diamonds in a standard card deck is designed after Julius Cesar. The king of spades is for King David; clubs for Alexander the great; and hearts for Charlemagne.

6. At any time, 0.7% of the world’s population is drunk.

7. When the first McDonald’s opened in 1955, a hamburger sold for 15 cents.

8. Brussels sprouts are the most hated vegetable in America.

9. The fastest nonstorm related wind ever recorded was 231 mph at Mount Washington, New Hampshire, in April 1934.

10. Breast reduction is the fifth most popular plastic surgery procedure for men.

Now maybe you already knew a couple of these, but admit it – you’re sorry there aren’t more of them, right? I promise to share more the next time I’m on the verge of going stark, raving mad. But here’s something to think about until then – National Bathroom Reading Week is always the second week in June. Missed it again, didn’t you? Well, that just stinks.


Voices From Forever by Randall Keller Available on Amazon

There Is No Silence by Randall Keller Available on Amazon.