Who doesn’t like Christmas? Okay… The holidays. Everybody likes the holidays! Show me a person who honestly hates this phenomenally festive time of year, and I’ll show you a weird, possessed, green scaly creature living at the top of a mountain with a stray dog, whose only contribution to the world is as the subject of an unauthorized Seussian biography.
But I confess – the holidays have not always found great favor with me. For one, I detest shopping, and even though Amazon has proved to be a fantastic alternative, my budget will still be fractured for months. I have other issues – like commercialization, holiday tv programming, over-hyped films, too much fruitcake (anything in excess of zero), people wearing elf outfits in public, red and green as a fashion statement, and Christmas music for the entire month of December. I mean, how much good cheer and fa la la can one take? Bah humbug!
For those of you who don’t celebrate Christmas, please forgive me for adding yet another useless column about the subject, but you’ll be able to take some respite in my lack of feckless Christian sermonizing. The baby Jesus was born in June (probably a Gemini) under significantly different surroundings than we’ve been led to believe, so it doesn’t seem appropriate to go there. Christmas may even be the most religiously dishonest holiday in the human arsenal of holidays, and it’s very easy to complain about. But for me, there are other things about Christmas that tickle my warm fuzzies, so here are ten of those (in no particular order).
1. Christmas trees. Even the lamest, most Charlie Brown kind of Christmas tree adds a hopeful something to the atmosphere – a sense of potential growth, perhaps. Dunno, but I like ’em!
2. There is justice in that the guy with twelve million blinking lights on his house will be paying an insane electric bill for the privilege. Viva la Power Company!
3. Someone will be giving me socks. You can’t beat new socks. They’re clean, and warm, and soft, and all cushiony… You get new socks every day in Heaven, you know.
4. Watching very small children unwrap presents is the best! It doesn’t matter what’s inside, it’s on to the next one.
5. Hot chocolate after shoveling snow always tastes noticeably better during the holidays. Just does – marshmallows or not. For those who live in a less snow-friendly place, I’m sorry.
6. Any kind of children’s Christmas play or holiday musical is probably the best gift you’ll receive all season. Relax, develop a tin ear, and enjoy the purity of it all.
7. Santa Claus! The greatest invention in the entire recorded history of mankind. (If you’re one of those parents who gives your kid a lump of coal, you should be ashamed. And don’t brag about it, the rest of us are appalled and think you’re despicable.)
8. Memories of Christmas past – especially when they remind me of my youth. Sigh…
9. The 1953 Alistair Simms version of The Christmas Carole. Dickens was a genius, and this movie is still the bomb. “Are there no workhouses?”
10. Waking up early Christmas morning and knowing that it’s finally here. There’s something special about that. All the work is done, the stress has been survived, the angst has disappeared, and the world seems a little quieter than usual; a little more peaceful, and I get the feeling that it’s all been worth it.
I guess the holidays are what you make them, and however you choose to keep them should be just fine with the rest of us, but not to take advantage of the happiness they’ve been known to provide seems like a waste to me. So please, a little peace on earth and good will toward men is a great way to go. It may be trite, but that’s my wish for all of you – green scaly mountain dwellers included.
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