Ninjas Are Real!

From time to time I read or hear something that just makes me crazy. It makes me want to foam at the mouth, chew the carpet, spit fireballs, and do a Wile E. Coyote right off the cliff. But most of these troubling items are political or religious in nature, and definitely not fodder for this venue – especially since this is supposed to be a paranormal blog.

However, my sensibilities were irreparably harassed while reading some comments about food stamps on that bastion of credible reasonability we affectionately refer to as Facebook. I knew that reading the comment was not wise, but I like the young lady in question, and before I knew it, I was engaged. Even being totally aware that the average “Facebook political pundit” is less informed than my dog Oliver, I indeed took the bait further to hazard a comment. I thought I could state a fact – not an opinion; a fact, and that others might reconsider their extreme point of view. I sorta knew what would really happen. I promised myself not to follow up and to allow the jackals to tear at my silent carcass with as much vim and vigor as their semi-sentient minds could muster. They went for the throat first.

Sometimes, presenting something factual is tantamount to strapping raw meat on your body at a lion convention. It was brutal. Acceptable facts are in high demand these days because so many of us refuse to believe them. People believe whatever propaganda matches their level of anger – regardless of accuracy or common sense. (There’s actually a name for this condition, but I can’t for the life of me remember what it is.) Anyway, without wasting any more time, here is a list of ten things I wish were true, but alas, are not. And please feel free to let me know which ones you’re going to accept regardless. Why not join the club, right? I mean… Everybody’s doing it!

1. Food stamps are no longer necessary. Everyone has a good-paying job, all the starving children are well-fed, and God himself is now in charge.
2. Cancer is cured by eating free vanilla bean cheesecake. Add any fruit topping to prevent Shingles.
3. Ninjas are real. Swear to God!
4. Fox News and Wikipedia have formed a new network called WikiFox promising to take accuracy and credibility to a new level.
5. Homophobic thugs and bullies across America were only kidding. Oh, you guys!
6. Health insurance has been replaced with unlimited free money for life.
7. There’s no such place as Bengazi, so we can all relax now.
8. All free-floating phantasms have been given amnesty, upgraded to ghost status and given green cards. (See, this really is a paranormal blog.)
9. Enemies of the State are not right-wing extremists, but a metal thrash band from the Jersey Shore.
10. Obesity has been replaced as the national pastime by the milk of human kindness, and an unquenchable hunger to love thy neighbor.

I know. Lame, right? But I think my facts make about as much sense as anybody else’s. If I had known it was okay to make stuff up all these years, I wouldn’t have spent so much time looking for the truth! Think of all the tests I’d have aced; all the Little League games I’d have won; all the sorrow I could have avoided. What good is the truth if all it’s gonna do is prove you wrong, right?
Also visit Voices Unplugged at
Voices From Forever by Randall Keller Available on Amazon
There Is No Silence by Randall Keller Available on Amazon.


3 responses to “Ninjas Are Real!

  1. What an amusing list ! However, Ninjas are indeed real, though they are few in number and resemble body-building turtles. And you’re right, there is no such place as Bengazi. It’s spelled “Benghazi”. Otherwise, well done.

    • Oh I know! Soon as I saw it, I knew I was doomed to either find an incredible excuse or fix it. I intended to fix it, but since you’ve pointed it out first, I better leave it. LOL appreciate your comments, even if Ninjas were actually invented by wood nymphs in the south of France. “Oh hypocrasy, thy name is blogger.” 🙂

  2. You are so right Randal. Tell it like ti is. These issues will not go away until we face them square in the eye and decide that things need to change. It does no good to put heads in the sand. On the other hand, we should not feel that our own circumstances are the result of imaginary limitations society has placed on us. We are responsible for the situations we create in our lives.

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