Definitely Kinda Sorta


I have a problem. I’ve captured video of some thingy that travels unpredictably, is incredibly fast, changes shapes, and casts its own very bright light. I recorded it during a private daytime investigation, so duh… It’s not a bug, flashlight, or car lights. Besides, no one was even in the building. But listen, I know what it’s not – I just don’t know what it is.

At first I was disappointed to see it a second time because that suggested a naturally recurring situation, but everything about it was completely different from the first one, so I labeled both of the anomalies as temporarily unexplainable. Likewise for the third, fourth, and fifth occurrences – each different, and each completely without sensible interpretation. However, by the time number six arrived, I was pretty jaded and with much chagrin, decided that I couldn’t accept any of them as paranormal. Into the proverbial trash with them all.

No, I had to re-evaluate. I knew eventually I would have to discredit the darn things because that’s my job, so I pushed it aside for later and moved on to the final video file. And there it was – number seven. This time, it was the shape and size of a bright orange baseball. I watched transfixed; spellbound and incredulous, as it moved up the stairs casting a soft, golden glow on the far wall of the stairwell. Basically, I just stared at the screen – fully awake and focused – watching it take the shape of a perfect orb, and slowly float away.

Wait. An orb? Oh Lord, not an orb! I don’t believe in orbs. Not even a little bit. In order for me to believe in an orb it would have to introduce itself verbally and sit in my hand while singing Handel’s Messiah and juggling. Orbs are never paranormal, dammit! And that’s final. But I dunno what this is! It was round just that once, which suggests I can probably avoid the word “orb,” so I’m calling it a light anomaly. But just because I don’t know what the phenomenon is, doesn’t mean I don’t know what I think, and I definitely kinda sorta don’t think it’s paranormal. Am I just being stubborn? I prefer prudent, cautious, and sensible, but if that’s so, then why does it feel so wrong? Well, it’s one of those things, right? Sometimes it doesn’t matter how unexplainable something appears to be, ya just can’t call it paranormal. Sometimes you just suck it up and try to muddle through.

But why? Am I actually going to ignore this just because it’s an orb? I could have been wrong all these years. Orbs might actually be paranormal. Not the silly ones that supposedly have faces and only happen at the exact same moment as lens flare, of course, but what kind of investigator refuses to recognize evidence just because it differs from his “other” world view? Either this is real or it isn’t – there’s no middle ground here. But an orb? Sigh… I’d have preferred a tap dancing T-Rex.

Well, I’ll be okay – don’t worry about me. I’ll just do a lot of shoulder shrugging and say things like, “I dunno what it is. What do you think?” My reputation will stay in tact; my credibility will come back. There’s nothing to fret about because it is sooo not an orb, but then what is it? Okay, I know. I get it! It’s a light anomaly, and there’s an explanation out there somewhere. I’ll figure it out. Geeez… Why me?
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4 responses to “Definitely Kinda Sorta

  1. You crack me up!! So this involves a staircase?? You know how I feel about those! And you also know enough about me to know that I’m okay with you putting it in the “even if it’s an orb, even if I’m not sure about it, there just might be something to it” pile. 🙂

  2. I “believe in” orbs. (I don’t mean obvious bugs and camera artifacts.) I’m of the belief that most, if not all, paranormal events are caused by energy – lingering remnants of energy, flares of emotion-fueled energy, etc. When we experience a paranormal situation, we are just perceiving concentrated energy. We get cold, we get hot, we hear things, we see things move. These are all sensations caused by an unexplained energy source.

    It makes sense to me that we filter this perception of energy in different ways, depending on our sensitivity. Where a medium might see a full-bodied figure, a layperson could feel a chill, a digital recorder could pick up a raspy word, and a camera could capture an orb.

    • Well, I hear ya. I think I probably would take some issues when it applies to the vast majority of what we call orbs, but then this is “the paranormal,” and it seems foolish to rule out anything categorically. Some of the best investigators I’ve worked with are big believers in orbs. For me, I get suspicious when I can’t see them with my eyes. But I honestly respect reasonable people with considered opinions – we need more of that regardless. Accepting differences of opinion is totally a requirement.

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