I don’t know about you, but I like to do things my own way. I don’t need a bunch of people telling me how to behave, when to go to sleep, what to eat or wear, which movies to watch, and who I can choose for friends. I’m grown! So, because Tuesday was my birthday, and since we decided to go to my favorite seafood restaurant to celebrate, I decreed that everything should be “my way.” Naturally, I wore my camouflage shorts and Voices From Forever t-shirt, ordered two entrees for myself, spilled the wife’s soda (she’s so long-suffering), and over-tipped the busboy – all of which crescendoed into an over-stuffed food stupor with an order of pitiful groaning on the side. It was glorious! And I loved doing everything my way so much, I decided to make a list of some other things I’d like to do – maybe next birthday.
I call this list “My Paranormal Bucket List,” or “Ten Paranormal-related Things I’ll Probably Never Get To Do But Really Should Be Allowed To List.” Here goes, in no particular order.
1. Investigate Buckingham Palace. Who wouldn’t want to do this considering all the spirits in that place? Queen Elizabeth must not ever get a good night’s sleep. I want a full-on, no holds barred investigation, and I don’t care how many months it takes.
2. I want a brand new, top of the line, $40,000 color FLIR all to myself. In fact, make that two! ‘Nuff said.
3. Spend several days at Stonehenge, during the summer solstice – just me and 2 other investigators… Uninterrupted… All day, all night – catered.
4. I want to attempt to record John Lennon’s spirit voice. I’m not sure how I’ll do this just yet, but “with a little help from my friends…” (Old hippies will get the reference.)
5. I wanna spend the night locked in the Louvre with enough cameras to cover every nook and cranny. Just me and one other art-loving investigator who promises not to complain about the French Impressionists.
6. I want one of those nerdy safari vests with a gazillion pockets. Just sayin’…
7. Any investigation with Barry Fitzgerald will be just fine, thank you. It’s not exactly a spectacular item, and might be the most doable thing on the list, but I’m certain it’ll be the most enjoyable. P.S. I prefer my Barry Fitzgerald with a shaved head.
8. I want to artistically photograph any allegedly haunted place I so desire. I want total access and unlimited time so that my images will be breathtaking and completely express the true nature of each location. False praise of my final product is willingly accepted, of course.
9. I want the complete run of the Gettysburg Battlefield any time I like – especially after dark. Lets throw in certain select buildings in town as well.
10. I want the Kling brothers to give me the Ghost Lab. Of course the equipment comes with it! I’m actually not certain what all is in there, but it looks incredibly cool and sometimes that’s enough.
Thats it! Of course, none of these wishes will ever come true. I’m destined to end my days doing exactly what I’m doing now. That’s okay, of course, but a guy can dream, right? I feel a tad embarrassed that I didn’t include any charities on my list, and I probably should have said something about world peace or civil rights. But then, keep in mind that I’ve just recently consumed 3 lbs. of crab legs and a double portion of crab imperial – not exactly a testimonial for selflessness or common sense, so I’m probably not in my right mind just yet. Ain’t birthdays grand!
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