When the Lights Go On

In case this is your first time here, I’m a full-time EVP researcher, author, and investigator. That means my interest in the spirit world probably exceeds that of the average person, and frankly, the paranormal has been very good to me. It’s opened my eyes to an amazing number of possibilities, changed the way I view my own mortality, broadened my understanding of death and the hereafter, and reanimated a dormant interest in science.

Even with all these uncommon and wonderful dividends paid, there are still two items I jealously seek. The first of those is more knowledge. That’s a hunger I share with all paranormal people – we all want to know more, and we confidently expect that to happen. That’s partly why we’re driven to do this. Each time we put our toe into the paranormal pool, we’re looking to turn the unknown into the understood.

But the second element is not as easy to characterize, and it’s new to me. So often, dealing with a deceased spirit is a momentary thing. Regrettably, our connection ends when we turn on the lights, or once the evidence has been reviewed. It’s a necessary part of investigating. Whatever relationships we superficially forge with the deceased are ultimately lacking in intellectual depth and thoroughness. They’re shallow relationships – sketchy and uncritical. Usually, the spirits we deal with are not our friends or family, but even when they are, we are charged with being dispassionate as investigators. “Just the facts, ma’am.”

Unfortunately, that may soon become impossible for me. Within the coming months I will be losing two more adult family members, and the grieving has already begun. But I am still an investigator, and the disagreeable thought that everyone I was close to will be somewhere in the so-called ether, watching, is heady. How can I possibly remain detached and impersonal? I mean, obviously there will be frequent EVP sessions, and having no little experience with the subject, I’ll be pulling out all the stops. There will undoubtably be an excess of eager and familiar spirits just over the veil, ready and willing to converse, but am I really supposed to be neutral? Non-partisan? Indifferent? How does one attempt to hail deceased loved ones without being emotional?

I think what I fear the most about the investigative part of all this, is the possibility of incorrectly labeling every voice with the name of someone familiar. I won’t want to, but the temptation will be automatic, and I will be highly motivated to identify and speak to loved ones. Will I allow every voice to seduce me into crossing that fine line between what I hope is true, and what I actually know? It will be a challenge, to say the least, but even though I’m confident I can find the hard investigator within me, that isn’t actually my dilemma. Should I have to?

All too soon I’ll be attempting to answer that question, and it will no doubt be a fierce test. To remain objective is a major requisite when dealing with anything paranormal – it’s wise. I hope to be capable of such wisdom, but we shall see… One thing is certain, however – the connection will no longer end when I turn on the lights.

There Oughtta Be…

As a child visiting my grandparents in Scranton, the Sunday morning comics always ruled the day. One of those, entitled “There Oughtta Be a Law,” was not available in my hometown papers, and soon became my favorite strip. I began usurping the title for other purposes – there oughtta be free ice cream, there oughtta be kid’s day, there oughtta be cake… whatever…

But there really ought to be an EVP Museum – a world-wide clearing house that focuses on anything EVP-related, replete with listening booths and quality headphones; video screens describing the circumstances of featured and verified recordings. Other exhibits based on general categories such as provocative, threatening, or funny EVP could be sprinkled throughout the museum. Maybe there could be a special section centered around the Spirit Box or advanced ITC techniques. Perhaps an area devoted to great investigators, historical aspects of the field, or… Anything, really. Special displays could come and go depending on time of year or season. Can you imagine “The Spirits Speak at Christmas,” or “Sports and the Spirit Voice?”

Permanent exhibits might include much needed information about pioneers like Sarah Estep or Konstantine Raudive – even Thomas Edison, or the Constantinos. I think it’s a natural. Each display could feature the books and videos of these trailblazers, allowing patrons to purchase the product, or download copies of prepared EVP sample packages – free, because after all, it is a museum. Imagine being able to copy representative samples of Sarah Estep’s work for further study, maybe purchase her book, or watch a short documentary about the great lady herself, all in one organized location.

And the museum wouldn’t be a profit-making venture, requiring just enough earnings to pay a couple of curators, and to keep the lights turned on. Actually, this museum oughtta be online instead, so the entire world can partake equally and benefit from the exhibit resources. Downloading representative EVP samples would be simple, as would be the ordering of books and other museum offerings. Potential future additions could be uploaded, easing the task of finding and cataloging new pieces. Heck, there might even be a page with your name on it – just do a search and there you are! Your page could feature a photo, a representative bio and summary of your paranormal history, videos of your exploits, and of course, your EVP – all there for public consumption and study, giving the respect and dignity your work deserves.

Someone would have to pay the server fees, of course, and there would be logistical problems, so a benefactor would have to step up, but I think it might actually work! But will it? Lots of ideas are possible – many are even easy to accomplish, but they still don’t manage to happen. I suppose it will take a very uniquely devoted, passionate person – someone willing to dedicate a major part of his or her life toward maintaining a professional, detail oriented museum. Well, I hereby donate this idea to anyone who wants to run with it, because there really oughtta be an EVP museum. As far as I’m concerned, that would trump free ice cream any day.

Inanimate and Strange

I first met her when I was very young, and truly, we hit it off right away. We never fought – no petty jealousy; no fruitless competition. I was older, and she may have looked up to me a bit, but we solved our difficulties without effort and without drama.

I don’t know why she got spinal meningitis at 8, but we almost lost her – she dodged that bullet deftly; it wasn’t easy. In similar fashion, she survived the crash – black ice; he was driving too fast… When she finally left the hospital, crushed pelvis and all, they told her she could never have children. She had three. Then it was her back, raging early arthritis, other things. A divorce. There was a stroke. The pain got worse.

Somewhere in the middle of all this, she became the first female executive at Chrysler, but she gave it up for family. She ran a dealership, but gave that up to start a children’s theatre group – all the while finding time to be a good mother; all the while, still inexplicably looking up to me. It should have been the other way around – she accomplished things while I plodded through. While I under-achieved my way between the non-corporate and the mediocre, she excelled in ways that counted, and I was always so proud.

She’s dying now. She’s got cancer running throughout her body, and the treatments aren’t working, the side-effects have become her norm, and the torment is intense. So, we don’t talk as much as we’d like these days – she just isn’t able. But my head is filled with her spirit each day, and occasionally I wish I was one of those easy criers. I can’t escape that she is wasting away, and it’s killing me – slowly from the inside out, and the person I used to be before this, struggles to hold on to himself.

I don’t know how much time she will have, but it won’t suffice. I understand that I need to find a way to cope with that actual moment of loss. Barring an act of God, I’ll have to see her body inanimate and strange; watch as her casket descends. I’ll hear the dirt start to fill in as I walk away, brushing back a few tears that no one will notice. They’ll say I’m taking it well, or that I’m heartless, but they won’t see the emptiness. My sorrow already permeates and then swallows each piece of me – it tears at my soul and dares me to turn sour. My sadness begs for the right to blame God; implores me to become hardened to life and this unfortunate kamikaze justice. But I am astounded at the artistry of her dignity; the articulation of her grace, and I know how I must try to behave.

You see, I first met her when I was four. And she had only just arrived in this world. I remember when our eyes met for the first time, and I realized I would always love her. I vowed to be the best brother in the whole wide world, but I wandered away over the years, and that lofty vow went with me. Indeed, it was the other way around.

She will leave me soon. Oh, we’ll meet again – we share that belief. I’ll be seeing clearly then, and she will have no pain, and we’ll have so much to tell each other… Still, sometimes I can’t help but wonder why. But then, no one ever dies when we should – we pass instead, when we can. So, God speed, little sister. I’ll be lost, but I know you’ll find me. Soon…

Simple Complexity

I’m as interested in finding scientific explanations for the paranormal as anyone. I like that! If you’ve read some past entries, you can back me up on it, and you probably realize just how confident I am that all paranormal questions will eventually produce scientific answers. Unfortunately, so far, instead of any answers, we have a hodge podge of folklore, superstition, philosophy, and some poorly stated theories.

Every time I try to make scientific sense of it all, I find myself frustrated, and annoyed with the hard truth that I’m just not intelligent enough for the task. Someone smarter usually steps up and let’s me know just how ill-prepared I am to argue such matters, and regrettably, they’re right. But I don’t want the scientists among us to shoot me down and just walk away. I want them to “get to work” on the problem!

I understand if they don’t want to creep through a pitch black tunnel in search of some specter, armed only with night vision and a recorder. An evening in some filthy, rat-infested pathway to Hell isn’t anybody’s idea of a swell night out, but somebody’s gotta do it. I will. In fact, I say let the scientists work in the comfort of a laboratory somewhere. I’ll even volunteer to bring in their meals – maybe a nice Chablis, if they like. Beer? Name your poison, and I’ll gladly schlep through the abandoned mental hospital in search of God knows what. My pleasure, actually, and if I fall through that weak third floor, chances are I won’t break anything important. Either way, I’m happy you’re on the case, Mr. Science Guy, because truly, there are real problems.

We’ve got unexplained interactive voices, free-forming mists, stuff flying around the room, ladies in white, see-through children, light-emitting orbs, and worse! But it’s more than just all that, isn’t it? I mean, it involves religion, and technology, and philosophy… And there are those nagging questions that have been plaguing mankind for countless millennia – ever since some caveman looked out over a noisy savannah and wondered “who am I really?” Questions that speak to the true nature of life, death, and the hereafter; of the soul, of angels and demons, God Almighty, alternate dimensions, singularities, time/space – all kinds of stuff!

You know, if we had some real scientists tackling just one of these quandaries, I’d be confident that when answers were offered they’d be the right ones. I’d be certain the proper theories were being aptly applied in the right instances. I’d be willing to accept findings and marvel at the elegant, simple complexity of it all.

But alas, instead of joining us, sometimes they laugh at us. They seem to delight in our foolish attempts to bring order and clarity to a field that has so far lumbered through in spite of itself; in spite of all of us who lumber in it. But at the end of the night, these science guys aren’t there – just us. We’re plumbers and store clerks; artists and maintenance men. We are the guy who had a shadowy visitor as a child, and the young woman who’s still afraid of the dark.

And we’ll continue plodding along, in the dark and in lieu of our sanity – we’ll accumulate miles of video and years of audio, type volumes of reports, spend every extra dollar on equipment that may not even work… And we’ll do it all without pay, consideration, or even respect. But that’s okay. Every EVP I record puts me yet another step closer to some elementary truth – a truth that the greatest minds among us have yet to acknowledge. Their loss, but wouldn’t it be sweet if they’d help?

Yesterday’s Future

So… Let’s say that particles can be in two places at the same time. They can, you know. It’s that whole quantum physics thing. Curiouser and curiouser it gets, and of course, I can’t tell you how particles do this, but I believe it is so. I accept everything I see on the HD machine! So, lets amend that slightly to say that according to quantum physicists I’ve watched on tv, particles can be in two places at the same time.

Remarkable little things. Of course, when you start trying to apply quantum mechanics to our “larger” existence, it’s just not the same – stuff gets really crazy. It’s subatomic ambrosia, but it’s chaos up here with the elephantine. We probably shouldn’t expect to be able to ride shotgun and drive at the same time.

Regardless, there are all sorts of attractions available in Subatomicville. For example, it makes perfect sense that the present is affected by the past, but did you know it is also affected by the future? Because that insane little particle can be in two places at once, it can also be practically anywhere in space or time. So as our past progresses to the current, so too does the future proceed towards it as well, and theoretically, I suppose, they kind of metaphorically collide at the present – the now. What I am doing now has a direct bearing on what I did yesterday; tomorrow has already helped shape today. Isn’t this a little like the “chicken or the egg” thing? Which one actually does come first?

But here’s the real rub. Am I an EVP researcher because I slowly evolved through the field in bygone days, or was I encouraged through events that haven’t even happened yet? Did my affinity with this subject naturally progress to this moment, or is it so because in the future I molded myself into such a person? Both? Is there a monumental event waiting for me in the future that requires life to have gone thusly, and did I influence this from beyond my death? Maybe the deceased me felt such a strong need to communicate that I chose my still alive self to communicate to. When I capture voices, how many of them are me? And what would I have to do next week to prevent me from capturing any more?

This is no joke, by the way. There’s a very viable theory wrapped around it, and even some successful experimentation that seems pretty convincing to me. And a lot of questions too, but it makes me think that my human energy just might be on a quantum level – small, certainly unnoticeable; definitely low-key and chill by comparison to this gargantuan world I inhabit now.

Anyway, if human energy is subatomic, then our spirits could occupy any number of spaces – just like that particle. Any number of times as well – simultaneously, all while traveling very fast. Most folks already believe our souls are made of energy, but if one day your now becomes a subatomic yesterday’s future, remember where you heard it. I wonder – what would you change about your past now that you know you can? Care to fix that little issue at the prom? Being in two places at the same time is hard work?

There! Case closed – I’ve solved everything. Spirits are quantum creatures whose future is subatomic, influencing our currently subatomic brain energy. But my head hurts. I’m sure I got this all wrong, but the possibilities are so infinite, and very hard to resist. Maybe I should just let it go. Next week! Tune in for our newest installment – “Fluctuation – Why Are There More Than One of Me and Which One Came First?” I have it on good authority that it was worth the effort.