You Never See It Coming


I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched one of the ghost hunting shows and chuckled quietly to myself as some investigator claimed to have “just been touched.” That always tickles me for some reason. You know, they jump in place a little, clutch some part of their body, or touch their hair – “something just touched me.”

I’m never convinced. Poppycock, I think to myself – nothing touched them. How utterly silly. Why would a spirit reach out and brush some stranger’s hair or grab some guy on the love handles? Doesn’t make a lick of sense to me, and their reaction to this violation just amuses me. But I’m entitled. I pay the satellite bill on time.

Miraculously, I am so busy snickering at someone’s discomfort, that I forget about being touched myself while doing the exact same thing. During investigations it has happened to me more frequently than you might think. But I still forget all about that, and opt instead to shake my head in disbelief at the television. But it does happen! Not to everyone, and not all the time, but sometimes it’s rather dramatic. I don’t recall reacting quite as vociferously as the tv investigators often do, but it wasn’t especially welcomed either.

On one investigation, in an old abandoned building, I was tapped on the forearm 4 different times. I moved my arm and walked to a different spot each time, but just as soon as I got comfortable – there it was – someone touched me again. No cobwebs or attack bugs, nothing hanging off my shirt, no camera straps – whatever or whoever it was just kept on doing it. And sure, it was disconcerting – even after the fourth time. I don’t know who it was or what could have happened to make me hallucinate such a thing.

I think I have been touched a total of 9 times on five different investigations. Seems like a lot to me. Doesn’t it? I mean, I really wholeheartedly believe that a spirit would have to go through all kinds of stuff to be able to touch someone. I’m one of those people who actually thinks he’s safe while walking around in the dark, photographing and talking to strangers who aren’t actually there. If one of those invisible people can just reach out and touch me, what’s next?! And do I want to stick around to find out?

Well, actually, I do. But you know what I mean, right? If they can actually touch me, what else can they do? And why don’t they do it more often, dammit? No, I think in my case there must be some weirdly unpretentious explanation for each of those little incidents that I’m simply overlooking. Besides, I can’t get but so worked up over such a thing. There’s no way to prove it, and frankly, unless there are three scratches somewhere cutting into my flesh, no one really cares.

The first time I was touched was early on in my so-called paranormal career – long before I’d ever thought of joining a team; before I knew what paranormal investigators actually did. I was listening to EVP recorded earlier in the day, and I was alone on the top floor of the house. Everyone else was fast asleep downstairs, it was very early in the morning, and with my headphones still securely on top of my head, I decided to stop, check my email, and go to bed. As I leaned back in the chair, opened Yahoo and went for the email, I found myself staring at a piece of spam full of undressed young women who made some rather spectacular promises. I clicked. Honestly, I almost never give in to such shameful temptation – I know better. Honest! But I clicked anyway, and the website began to come into view.

Out of absolutely nowhere, someone smacked me across the face about as hard as I have ever been hit. Ever! That slap snapped the arm of the headphones in two and sent the whole mangled thing flying across the room and into the wall. I was assaulted! I jumped up from my chair expecting to find my wife standing there, but even before I could firmly plant my feet on the floor, I knew that whoever hit me wasn’t going to be visible.  I guess someone didn’t appreciate my choice of late night reading material. Well, you don’t have to hit me over the head to make a point. I got it. Message received, and I went right to bed.

It took awhile to get over that, let me tell you, but I bet if I saw that on one of those tv shows I’d laugh myself silly. But… shit happens, and you almost never see it coming.

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4 responses to “You Never See It Coming

  1. Fascinating. I saw an analysis of a so-called touching event video that had been aired on a tv show, and I was convinced it was hoaxed. Many people though really believe they feel unearthly hands on their hair, pulling at their clothes it poking them. I’m not sure some of these are not cobwebs brushing them. After all, they are usually in the dark and often in old basements or attics. They could brush the web off themselves when they pass their hand over the site of the sensation. Then there are phantom nerve impulses, kin to sensations from amputated limbs, or just simple tics, which are misfiring nerves and feel like touches. All that said, We’ve seen poltergeists in action, and throwing dishes takes a lot more energy than poking an investigator! But it’s important to bring neurology and science into these explanations.

    • Well, you’re quite right. About everything. I would be remiss if I tried to claim a paranormal reality just because i felt touched. Getting slapped and having the crushed headphones is a different story, but I hardly think it serves as evidence of anything except what it actually is – crushed headphones and the sensation of being slapped.

      But I do know it happens in the field, and no matter what you do, you can’t seem to find an explanation that makes sense. So you chalk it up to a personal experience on site and leave it at that. You mention it because that’s your job, but you don’t draw conclusions on it. My guess is, there is probably a viable and accurate explanation for 99.9% of these kinds of incidents. It’s just that we don’t usually find the explanation.

      Interestingly enough, during the time when I was touched four times, I had a pony tail down to my waist. When we left our shift inside, I noticed that the bottom inch (maybe a little more) of my pony tail was soaked. The rest of my hair was just fine – only the bottom. Video shows I didn’t dip it in anything by accident and that nothing came in contact with me. I dunno what on earth could cause that, but it was a little strange to consider. But I know I can’t call it proof of anything paranormal. It was just something that happened. And it definitely came out of nowhere. 🙂

      • Hi Diana,
        I was the other investigator with Randy when he was touched those 4 times and the end of his ponytail became wet. Neither of us can tell you why or how this happened. We just have to chalk it up to one of those “weird little happenings.” LOL.

        Becky

  2. Ha! That’ll teach ya ;)…I have been touched by something unknown but agree not all sensations of touch can be read that way. It is equally possible it’s your nervous system acting up. Getting slapped or some other violent act is not even in the same league as a touch though.

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